amelia beamer

Tattoo by Amelia Beamer

The man to the right of my place in the line, the tattoo on the back of his neck says and. The man on the other side of me, his tattoo says girl. The morning sun is bright, and the line of people is long.

“You’re twelve hundred and three, right?” I ask and. “I’m twelve hundred and four.”

“Yes. Are you? You’re awfully young,” and says.

“Let her alone,” a woman on the other side of him says, “It’s not just the ’09 babies that were born with tattoos.”

“Just mostly us,” and says.

“I remember my mother said she was so afraid that there was something wrong with me, with this tattoo on the back of my neck.” The woman laughs. She reminds me of my own mother, dark hair and soft capable arms.

“Like it was the end of the world or something,” girl says softly. He’s a big guy, gruff-looking, but with a deep, calm voice. He must have been teased with that tat, growing up.

The woman nods. “Exactly. And every baby in the ward. Well, you know, the words were different. They tested mine and told my mom it was a birthmark, that there was no actual ink there.” The wind picks up, and I can smell her perfume, cinnamon and warm earth.

“My best friend, Carrie, she just had a baby, Sera,” I say. “The baby was born with a tattoo. To replace someone who died, Carrie said. So she had to hire a sitter for today to stand in line and say Sera’s word because all of our friends are here and none of us are close to Sera’s space in the line.”

“Most of my friends are tattooed, too,” the woman says, looking up the line. Her hair covers her neck. “Is the story going right to left again this time, does anyone know?”

“Right to left, yes,” says girl. “They think they got it right this time.”

and yawns, then runs his fingers over the stubble on his chin. “What are you, hon?” he asks me.

the.” I slap at a mosquito. “Anyone got bug spray?”

“Here,” and says. He hands me a can and I spray it over my bare arms, over my shorts and my legs. My new white shoes have grass stains on the toes. and takes the can and sprays the back of my legs. He rubs it into my neck, though it doesn’t need to be rubbed in.

I nod thanks and move away from him.

“You remember the last time — you wouldn’t, child — the story made no sense,” and says. “Do they really have it right this time?”

“Does it matter?” girl says. His voice is thoughtful. “No one knows why or how we have the tattoos, to be honest, or what the larger meaning is, if there is one.”

“Do you know, am I supposed to say the whole story or just my word?” I ask. I wonder if I’ll be able to remember well enough to tell it.

“You’ve heard the one that says that if the story is told in the right order, the aliens that gave us the tattoos will come back and take us away,” a man near us says. He smiles like it’s a joke.

“Oh, please,” the woman says. “Aliens. The doctors that delivered all of us did it as a game, and are giving tattoos to babies like your friend’s in order to keep it up.”

“If it looks like a conspiracy, it’s probably just incompetence,” and says.

I smile at the joke, but turn away so he can’t see.

We’re quiet for a while, looking up and down the line.

I squat on the grass, placing my palms down on it, as if I could absorb the whole story through my hands. The grass moves, and there is an ant colony. I move my hands away and watch their tiny comings and goings, hoping I haven’t ruined their chemical trails. They move surely, unaware that they are about to be trampled.

The chatter gets louder all at once. I look up, ask: “Has it started?”

“Everyone’s talking,” the woman says. “I can’t hear.”

“Look,” girl points. I squint, following the gesture. The people to the right are walking towards us, following the story. They move slowly, listening, conferring over the story so far. Each person in turn adds his or her word, shouting with ownership. The story draws closer.

I reach for girl’s arm. We stop breathing, straining to hear.

THE LOVING DEAD

If Chuck Palahniuk and Christopher Moore had a zombie love child, it would look like THE LOVING DEAD, a darkly comic debut novel.

Read the first four chapters of THE LOVING DEAD, gratis. Zombies, flirting, drugs, and sex: it's all there.

The Loving Dead cover image

What people are saying:


"THE LOVING DEAD is funny, profane, and more than a little bit squicky, a worthwhile and perceptive addition to a pop culture fad that won't seem to lie down and stay dead." -- Michael Berry, San Francisco Chronicle

"In Beamer's world, Eros and Thanatos are a lot more than just Facebook buddies. And that raises some difficult relationship issues." -- Elizabeth Hand, The Washington Post

"From start to finish, this novel is a true page-turner." --Fangoria

"This story is one of the best 'Patient Zero' -- damn close to it -- tales since NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD. Before you get your panties in a bunch, I'm not saying Ms. Beamer has unseated Romero.... I urge even the staunchest traditionalist (of which I tend to lean towards) to pick up this book. -- T.W. Brown, Buyzombie.com

"THE LOVING DEAD is about learning who you truly care about in a broken world." -- Fred Cleaver, The Denver Post

"Beamer's version of zombiehood is still about eating brains -- and just about any other portion of the human anatomy -- but she foregrounds what has, until now, mostly been the erotic subtext of the genre.... Beamer's zombies hunger for us -- and we lust for them. It's the perfect symbiotic relationship." -- Paul Witcover, Realms of Fantasy

"Looking for an original zombie novel with some real literary weight? Seek out and read Amelia Beamer's debut novel. You'll never look at the undead the same way again." -- Paul Goat Allen, BN.com

"Blood, guts, and sex intermingle in this stylish debut... an entertaining and original take on the zombie apocalypse." -- Publishers Weekly

"THE LOVING DEAD is really kind of hot, in a very creepy way. Read it. You know you'd love you some sweet zombie sumpin' sumpin'. Buy it, bitches! Ride this zombie Zeppelin of love like there's no tomorrow." -- Christopher Moore, author of LAMB and A DIRTY JOB

"In THE LOVING DEAD, Amelia Beamer gives us a zombie novel like none other. Crisp, smooth and stylish, it zips along from scene to scene, accumulating tension, humor and insight as it accelerates. It is also comic and sexy, a combination I find irresistible." -- Peter Straub, author of A DARK MATTER

"Zombies are all over the place right now, but trust me, you've NEVER read a zombie novel like this! Amelia Beamer's THE LOVING DEAD is about zombies, all right, but it's zombies with Xanax, zeppelins, Trader Joe's, iPhone apps, sex, humor, adventure, NPR, IKEA, and Indiana Jones! It's a rollercoaster ride of a read and a true original!" -- Connie Willis, author of BLACKOUT.

"The stiffest nipples in the history of zombie horror fiction jut defiantly from the pages of THE LOVING DEAD, Amelia Beamer's eye-popping fornicopia of laughs, provocation and mayhem. Yes, it's all fun and games till the emotional hammer comes down. You may walk in with a hard-on, but you won't come out unscathed. Let me state this very clearly: I fucking love this brilliant book. For those of us who care about the burgeoning New Zombie literature, and the powerful cultural metaphors it contains, THE LOVING DEAD is a pivotal work." -- John Skipp, author of THE BRIDGE and THE LONG LAST CALL

"THE LOVING DEAD is a Grand Guignol extravaganza, appallingly vivid and unrelentingly suspenseful. Though definitely not a book for little kids, mature readers won't be able to put it down until they get to the last page." -- Tim Powers, author of DECLARE and THE ANUBIS GATES

"'Zombie' and 'romance' might be the last two words you expect to hear together, but Amelia Beamer's page turner offers just that -- and in addition illustrates how if you're serious about fighting zombies you've got to have the right phone apps. THE LOVING DEAD is a contemporary romp chock-full of bawdy sex and humor." -- Brian Evenson, author of LAST DAYS and FUGUE STATE

"Amelia Beamer's THE LOVING DEAD is strange, sick, sexy and scary. It's also wickedly funny and a damn good read." -- Jonathan Maberry, multiple Bram Stoker Award winning author of THE DRAGON FACTORY and PATIENT ZERO

"Promising young writer Amelia Beamer delivers plenty of requisite zombie gore and sex, but adds well-observed characters you get involved with, plus a kink ending that makes you glad she did." -- Cecelia Holland, critically acclaimed historical novelist and author of THE WITCHES' KITCHEN and VARANGER

"If you like raunchy comedy with whips, brains, and zombies, this is the book for you." -- Mario Acevedo, author of WEREWOLF SMACKDOWN

"Dark Fantasy's most audacious new talent answers the question on every reader's mind: What happens when the Undead discover iPhone apps and Trader Joe's?" -- Terry Bisson, critically acclaimed author of THE PICKUP ARTIST

"THE LOVING DEAD is a book that quivers with exquisite contradiction. It is at once sexy and horrific, hilarious and heartbreaking, ruthless and tender. Yes, this is a zombie novel but it is one of the very few I have ever read that has a real ending. If you like your fiction dark as midnight but lit by lightning bolts of emotion, Amelia Beamer awaits your pleasure." -- James Patrick Kelly, Nebula award winning author of BURN

"THE LOVING DEAD is that rare zombie story that manages to remember the human aspect that makes the living dead so terrifying. It's modern, witty, and funny as hell without crossing the line into parody, and it makes the question of 'how will you survive the zombie apocalypse' seem all that more important. Plus, how many zombie stories manage to feature Trader Joe's, iPhone applications, a Zeppelin, Alcatraz, and make it all make sense? Truly an awesomely wild ride." Mira Grant, author of FEED

"Who knew zombies could be so damn sexy? In THE LOVING DEAD, Amelia Beamer crafts a tale that is thrilling, at times raunchy, and all the while thoroughly entertaining. A unique and original take on the shambling, and in Beamer's eyes, bump-and-grinding, dead." Roger Ma, author of THE ZOMBIE COMBAT MANUAL: A GUIDE TO FIGHTING THE LIVING DEAD

"In Amelia Beamer's debut novel, you will quickly find yourself enamored with a variety of things and places and people -- Alcatraz, Trader Joe's, the dead and the living -- that you would have never imagined yourself loving before reading this funny, sexy zombie love story. And what's more, you will discover that the dead love you back. What more can you ask for in a novel? Read it and weep. No, read it and love. Love the loving dead back. They deserve it." -- Christopher Barzak, author of ONE FOR SORROW