Finally got a minute and two brain cells to rub together. Here are a few shots from my recent trip to NYC, of my good-looking friends and me, plus an advertisement I just had to photograph.
Above: Peter Straub, Amelia Beamer, Jeremy Lassen (photo by Gary K. Wolfe)
Above: Joe Monti, Jeremy Lassen, Amelia Beamer (photo by Ellen Datlow)
“Still eating brains? We can help.”
I just had an astonishingly friendly and non-invasive customer service experience — except for one question. “Would you recommend AT&T to your family and friends?”
(I had finally decided to buy a smart phone. Not that I don’t love my dumb phone, but that it was time to move on.)
After close to an hour or so of intelligent, honest conversation and show-and-tell — wherein my customer service rep Mark asked me if I’d ever worked for AT&T, and then invited me to apply — I buy the phone. Then Mark tells me, “There’s a question on the survey AT&T will send you, asking you if you’ll recommend AT&T to family and friends. What it actually means is, how well did I, Mark, do? If you put less than five stars out of five, my manager takes me aside and wants to know why. So please, if you’re going to put less than five stars, tell me now what I should do differently.”
I am struck by this move by AT&T which is brilliant in a terrible way. “So you’re actually guilt-tripping me,” I tell Mark. “You’re obligated to guilt-trip me.”
Mark gives me a look of gratitude. He brings his manager (who’s half his age) over, and the manager gives me the same explanation about what the question really means, and I ask the manager if there’s a way to get AT&T to change the question. Because I don’t respond well to guilt trips in general, but what’s brilliant about this question is that AT&T can apply whatever interpretation they want to that question. As far as the board members and stockholders are concerned, we all WOULD recommend AT&T to friends and family, because, hell, we SAID we would.
We have the attention of several employees by now. They’re all asking me to tell AT&T, since they, the employees, don’t have the power to, and every one of these employees are obligated to guilt-trip their customers.
I’ve been with AT&T since I got a cell phone, and it’s mostly been good to me. But would I recommend it? The question remains.
Thanks again to Mark and the whole crew at AT&T on Lakeshore!
John Shirley, Lisa Goldstein, Amelia Beamer, Terry Bisson
I was pleased to be invited to appear on a panel about politics and science fiction at CounterPULSE, a non-profit art/theater/community space in San Francisco, on March 24, sponsored by PM Press. Terry Bisson was moderator, and Lisa Goldstein, John Shirley, Terry and I talked to and with a large group of very well-read people (who came out on a school night!) asking intelligent questions about, say, how the field transitioned between the New Wave and Cyberpunk. Politics is a big enough topic (as is science fiction) that there is room to go in all sorts of directions, and while it is traditional when talking about SF to bemoan the imminent end of books, the depth of reading displayed by the audience was a great reassurance that there are still readers. A podcast is being prepared through CounterPULSE.
My friend and Locus coworker Tim Pratt is serializing the new Marla Mason novel BROKEN MIRRORS, starting Monday March 8th. Check out BROKEN MIRRORS or subscribe via RSS and if you like it, Paypal him some love at timpratt@gmail.com.
This is the computer upon which I wrote my first novel, The Loving Dead. Note the cooling rack intended for cookies, which I appropriated because this laptop is too hot for its fan, and the homebrewed wood setup. Also note the busted-off keys — because, really, how often do I use the keys for the euro and the pound?
I’m in Manhattan at the moment; just visited the Tor office to say hi and put some faces to names I know through Locus. Yesterday I met my agent Joe Monti for the first time and hashed out the plot of a new project: Joe puts the Joy in New Jersey. Also saw Liz Gorinsky, Jim Minz, Peter and Susan Straub, Gary Wolfe, Cecelia Holland; more meetings coming up.
I’ve been putting off this blogging thing for way too long. 
If Chuck Palahniuk and Christopher Moore had a zombie love child, it would look like THE LOVING DEAD, a darkly comic debut novel.
Read the first four chapters of THE LOVING DEAD, gratis. Zombies, flirting, drugs, and sex: it's all there.
What people are saying:
"THE LOVING DEAD is funny, profane, and more than a little bit squicky, a worthwhile and perceptive addition to a pop culture fad that won't seem to lie down and stay dead." -- Michael Berry, San Francisco Chronicle
"In Beamer's world, Eros and Thanatos are a lot more than just Facebook buddies. And that raises some difficult relationship issues." -- Elizabeth Hand, The Washington Post
"From start to finish, this novel is a true page-turner." --Fangoria
"This story is one of the best 'Patient Zero' -- damn close to it -- tales since NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD. Before you get your panties in a bunch, I'm not saying Ms. Beamer has unseated Romero.... I urge even the staunchest traditionalist (of which I tend to lean towards) to pick up this book. -- T.W. Brown, Buyzombie.com
"THE LOVING DEAD is about learning who you truly care about in a broken world." -- Fred Cleaver, The Denver Post
"Beamer's version of zombiehood is still about eating brains -- and just about any other portion of the human anatomy -- but she foregrounds what has, until now, mostly been the erotic subtext of the genre.... Beamer's zombies hunger for us -- and we lust for them. It's the perfect symbiotic relationship." -- Paul Witcover, Realms of Fantasy
"Looking for an original zombie novel with some real literary weight? Seek out and read Amelia Beamer's debut novel. You'll never look at the undead the same way again." -- Paul Goat Allen, BN.com
"Blood, guts, and sex intermingle in this stylish debut... an entertaining and original take on the zombie apocalypse." -- Publishers Weekly
"THE LOVING DEAD is really kind of hot, in a very creepy way. Read it. You know you'd love you some sweet zombie sumpin' sumpin'. Buy it, bitches! Ride this zombie Zeppelin of love like there's no tomorrow." -- Christopher Moore, author of LAMB and A DIRTY JOB
"In THE LOVING DEAD, Amelia Beamer gives us a zombie novel like none other. Crisp, smooth and stylish, it zips along from scene to scene, accumulating tension, humor and insight as it accelerates. It is also comic and sexy, a combination I find irresistible." -- Peter Straub, author of A DARK MATTER
"Zombies are all over the place right now, but trust me, you've NEVER read a zombie novel like this! Amelia Beamer's THE LOVING DEAD is about zombies, all right, but it's zombies with Xanax, zeppelins, Trader Joe's, iPhone apps, sex, humor, adventure, NPR, IKEA, and Indiana Jones! It's a rollercoaster ride of a read and a true original!" -- Connie Willis, author of BLACKOUT.
"The stiffest nipples in the history of zombie horror fiction jut defiantly from the pages of THE LOVING DEAD, Amelia Beamer's eye-popping fornicopia of laughs, provocation and mayhem. Yes, it's all fun and games till the emotional hammer comes down. You may walk in with a hard-on, but you won't come out unscathed. Let me state this very clearly: I fucking love this brilliant book. For those of us who care about the burgeoning New Zombie literature, and the powerful cultural metaphors it contains, THE LOVING DEAD is a pivotal work." -- John Skipp, author of THE BRIDGE and THE LONG LAST CALL
"THE LOVING DEAD is a Grand Guignol extravaganza, appallingly vivid and unrelentingly suspenseful. Though definitely not a book for little kids, mature readers won't be able to put it down until they get to the last page." -- Tim Powers, author of DECLARE and THE ANUBIS GATES
"'Zombie' and 'romance' might be the last two words you expect to hear together, but Amelia Beamer's page turner offers just that -- and in addition illustrates how if you're serious about fighting zombies you've got to have the right phone apps. THE LOVING DEAD is a contemporary romp chock-full of bawdy sex and humor." -- Brian Evenson, author of LAST DAYS and FUGUE STATE
"Amelia Beamer's THE LOVING DEAD is strange, sick, sexy and scary. It's also wickedly funny and a damn good read." -- Jonathan Maberry, multiple Bram Stoker Award winning author of THE DRAGON FACTORY and PATIENT ZERO
"Promising young writer Amelia Beamer delivers plenty of requisite zombie gore and sex, but adds well-observed characters you get involved with, plus a kink ending that makes you glad she did." -- Cecelia Holland, critically acclaimed historical novelist and author of THE WITCHES' KITCHEN and VARANGER
"If you like raunchy comedy with whips, brains, and zombies, this is the book for you." -- Mario Acevedo, author of WEREWOLF SMACKDOWN
"Dark Fantasy's most audacious new talent answers the question on every reader's mind: What happens when the Undead discover iPhone apps and Trader Joe's?" -- Terry Bisson, critically acclaimed author of THE PICKUP ARTIST
"THE LOVING DEAD is a book that quivers with exquisite contradiction. It is at once sexy and horrific, hilarious and heartbreaking, ruthless and tender. Yes, this is a zombie novel but it is one of the very few I have ever read that has a real ending. If you like your fiction dark as midnight but lit by lightning bolts of emotion, Amelia Beamer awaits your pleasure." -- James Patrick Kelly, Nebula award winning author of BURN
"THE LOVING DEAD is that rare zombie story that manages to remember the human aspect that makes the living dead so terrifying. It's modern, witty, and funny as hell without crossing the line into parody, and it makes the question of 'how will you survive the zombie apocalypse' seem all that more important. Plus, how many zombie stories manage to feature Trader Joe's, iPhone applications, a Zeppelin, Alcatraz, and make it all make sense? Truly an awesomely wild ride." Mira Grant, author of FEED
"Who knew zombies could be so damn sexy? In THE LOVING DEAD, Amelia Beamer crafts a tale that is thrilling, at times raunchy, and all the while thoroughly entertaining. A unique and original take on the shambling, and in Beamer's eyes, bump-and-grinding, dead." Roger Ma, author of THE ZOMBIE COMBAT MANUAL: A GUIDE TO FIGHTING THE LIVING DEAD
"In Amelia Beamer's debut novel, you will quickly find yourself enamored with a variety of things and places and people -- Alcatraz, Trader Joe's, the dead and the living -- that you would have never imagined yourself loving before reading this funny, sexy zombie love story. And what's more, you will discover that the dead love you back. What more can you ask for in a novel? Read it and weep. No, read it and love. Love the loving dead back. They deserve it." -- Christopher Barzak, author of ONE FOR SORROW
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